>>> MY TURN TO SPEAK <<<

Behind my smiles and my gregarious personality

Is heartbreak of a thousand “normal” breakups, or rifts, or abandonments, or neglects

Because there was one

That forced me to make a choice

That is a choice that no woman or girl should have to make, EVER,

And that is the choice between herself and her family.

Because either way, the pain will force you to cut yourself into pieces

In order to hold your reality together

It is the cruelest and deepest insecurity I have ever known

And, on top of that, it feels like massive failure.

Women are inherently the thing that keeps families together, and keeps them going

So make no mistake - when she chooses to leave you, she is CHOOSING PAIN. Deep, heartbreaking pain. It is her LAST option.

It looks like she is choosing herself. She is not. She is choosing to carry the burden of the entire family, on her back, alone. She is choosing what her partner devalued before her eyes.

In her solo time, when she doesn’t have the kids, yes, she will work on herself and nurture herself and make friends and work and pursue hobbies

And she will also sob, regularly, even a decade after the split.

Because you forced her to cut off a piece of herself and what she values, in order to preserve a necessary amount of actual, real stability, peace, presence, of the absence of chaos and uncertainty.

She will try so hard to be all of the same parent she was when she was with her partner. But it’s very difficult. It is very hard to be there with warmth, kindness and softness

While at the same time wielding her sword behind her back.

No matter how much financial security she has, or time off from the kids to get rest and get stuff done, she still lives with the deep emotional and energetic insecurity that no one is there to watch her back while she tends to her children with sweetness, attention and affection.

it is a true leap of faith. Every single day.

So please understand what women like me who have experienced this kind of betrayal have been through. Someone else made choices, big or small, many or just a few, that made her realize the situation wasn’t safe.

So when she chose to leave, it was NOT the original choice. That one was made without her consent, and without her control, by someone who failed to see her value, who thought that she wasn’t really necessary or important, or that someone else could do the job the way she can.

Maybe she settled for this person a long time ago. Maybe she was giving them chances to show up. But when the breaking point came, she DID choose her family. It was the other person who chose themself.

This wound will not heal. Not until it is, at the very least, seen and acknowledged. 

And if she is angry, bitter, judgy, abrupt, screaming, or just wants you to LEAVE HER ALONE… this is why. THE Why.